Saturday, July 30, 2022

Coercive Control: Welcome to the Blog

(Bear with me as I flesh out some of my own ideas about Coercive Control; additional references to follow.)

Coercive Control is a multi-phased, sequenced attack employing a systematic pattern of behavior that may endure for years, in which an abuser or controller uses power over another person to dominate, subjugate and control his victim. It is my perspective that the ways in which power is obtained rely heavily on the tactics of abuse themselves. For example, the strength of the trauma bond induced during the phase of attack sometimes called "love-bombing", which I refer to as the weaponization of sex and romance, provides leverage for future manipulations and sets the stage for continued related tactics of abuse, such as isolation and induced emotional dependence. In turn, the trauma bond, isolation and induced emotional dependence set the stage for continued tactics of abuse that build upon these foundational building blocks of domination, leading to structural entrapment, subjugation and psychological annihilation. 

The invisible chains of coercive control are first forged during the earliest phases of the assault. While we talk about attachment often in psychological terms, the biochemical correlates, that is, the surge of oxytocin, dopamine, serotonin, adrenaline, and vasopressin, that accompany this seduction render a victim an addict, hooked on the abuser and the abusive relationship itself. In time, the victim will become dependent upon the abuser to regulate their own neurochemistry. This biochemical tie will not just bond, but in time, unidirectionally bind, making the threat or fear of abandonment seem excruciatingly painful for the victim.  

Of the neurochemicals mentioned, an under-explored area of inquiry is the role of the neuropeptide, oxytocin, which surges in the victim during the love-bombing phase of abuse. Oxytocin not only bonds, it blinds, as it induces blind trust, which I suspect, based on my understanding of the social science research, makes one unable to see the red flags and warning signs for what they are, which others might see so effortlessly,  and a victim will be able to see so clearly only in hindsight. The strength of the trauma bond paves the way for continued tactics of abuse. This is to say, anyone can be a victim of abuse when bad luck has brought one in contact with a skillful abuser. 

I am of the mind that the assault is planned from the start, that it is in fact, an assault and not a relationship that has gone awry; others may disagree. It is a type of relationship abuse that is especially difficult to spot, especially early on, as a key strategy at the beginning is to seduce one's victim, making them feel special, cherished and adored. The abuser may be especially charming and not only convince you, but also convince others that yours is a grand love story. The tactics of abuse may look like and feel like love, leaving you to think yours is the grandest of love stories (Fontes, 2015). It is not; it was never a love story.

Tactics of coercive control that are utilized include the weaponization of sex & romance to forge a trauma bond; isolation techniques; induced dependency; induced shame, fear, guilt; psychological erosion; surveillance and monitoring; reproductive coercion; coerced unprotected sex and unwanted sexual activity; inducement to commit criminal activity; use of blackmail; and psychological and structural entrapment. Dimensions of abuse include psychological, emotional, sexual, financial, legal, and sometimes, but not always, physical abuse. Classic psychological tactics of control used by abusers include raging, gaslighting, the silent treatment, emotional withholding, guilt-tripping, humiliation, shame, and intimidation. Skillful abusers are machiavellian in their capacity for stealthy application of well-sequenced tactics, that make the victim practically unaware that they are, in fact, being abused. For a more  complete discussion of the variety of tactics of abuse employed in a coercive control assault, see Dr. Emma Katz (2022) recent publication, Coercive Control on Children's and Mother's Lives.

In addition to the obvious effects of these types of abuses, there are neurobiological correlates that lead to a myriad of physical and psychological challenges, such as: emotional dysregulation, anxiety, depression, sleep disturbances, and a whole host of trauma responses. These, in addition, to increased suicidal ideation, should not be thought of as mental health issues per se, but rather as the natural reaction to being abused and oppressed, in my opinion. One day, it is my hope, that these symptoms rather than being used against victims in court, will be regarded as evidence of psychological and emotional abuse (H. Rosenthal, 2022). 

Where once scant attention was paid to the impact of coercive control on the lives of children, we have now clearly established that coercive control, even in the absence of physical violence, harms children directly when they bear witness to a mother being controlled and when they themselves are controlled by the abuser (E. Katz, 2015, 2022).   

A feature of this pattern of abuse is the fact that there are periods of calm and occasional rewards that leave the victim holding out hope and/or feeling confused and in doubt if the relationship abuse is as bad as they think it is. Furthermore, these intermittent rewards, these breadcrumbs, also activate the surge of oxytocin, strengthening the trauma bond. To clarify and cut through your cognitive dissonance, there is no hope but to leave; it WAS that bad, maybe worse, and YES, you and your children deserve better. Unfortunately, leaving is not only hard, it may also be accompanied by Post-Separation Abuse. 

Post-Separation Abuse involves stalking, cyberstalking, revenge porn, using children as pawns, and the tactical manipulation of family court and the legal system/vexatious litigation (L.Fontes & C. Cocchiola, 2022). When leaving an abuser, check all your personal belongings for GPS tracking devices, change your phone number, turn off GPS tracking on your phone and photograph app, and refrain from using social media. Not to scare you, but to help you be prepared, evidence tells us that victims are at increased risk for homicide at the point of exit and wherever possible should leave safely and strategically (J.Monckton-Smith, 2021). 

Coercive Control should be regarded as a civil liberties crime per Evan Stark and other leading authorities; it violates human rights; it diminishes autonomy and freedom (E. Stark, 2007). "It's your freedom, your autonomy, your very self that dies" observes Dr. Emma Katz (2022) in describing the "death by a thousand cuts" that is coercive control. 

Most typically women are victims and heterosexual men are abusers, however, straight men can be victims of Coercive Control and gay men, lesbian women, and people of all genders and sexualities can be both victim and victimizer. The oppressive systems of patriarchy, which privileges cisgender white men, prejudice and make vulnerable several segments of society, especially: women, people of non-heterosexual sexual orientations and non-cis gender identities, poor people, immigrants, and people of color, amongst others. The systems, institutions and tools of a patriarchal society aid and abet coercive control and impede a victim's search for justice.

It is my belief, for which there is scant and mixed evidence, that the driving force of this type of abuse is the psychopathology of the abuser, most typically a cluster B personality disorder, such as Narcissistic Personality Disorder and/or Anti-Social Personality Disorder. This should not be referenced in court without evidence; rather, the focus should be on the behavior and characteristics of the abuser. What this means for you is that your abuser is not going to change or improve with therapy, as these disorders are deeply resistant to change. 

As I conclude my own observations about the dynamics of coercive control, I would like to offer a note to the victim-target-survivor: it is my firm belief that you were not targeted because you were weak. We all have vulnerabilities, this is a part of the human condition. However, the skillful abuser knows how to exploit them all. You were targeted because you are strong, beautiful, powerful, amazing...you were the trophy, the prize of the hunt...this is who you truly are...a bright light...a force of nature...mother courage herself...

Relatedly, I would like to put an end to the age old question, "Why did you stay?". Victims do not volitionally stay in a coercively controlled "relationship". Victims stay because the abuse is quite effective; it works. To ask this of a victim is not unlike asking a rape victim, "Why did you let yourself be raped?". We can all see that to ask this would be unconscionable. No one remains in a coercively controlled relationship volitionally. Even when a victim feels as though she has made a "choice" to stay, she is making that choice within the context of a range of possibilities limited by abuse itself and a brain traumatized by years of abuse. Quite often she is simply caught between a rock and a hard place. 

For some, the road to recovery may be tougher than for others. We are in this together, there is hope and there is help. This blog is created by Dr. Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, LCSW-R in the hope of helping you navigate the multitude of resources online, at You-Tube and via the available literature. Be well, stay safe!



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